TIME IS NOT ON MY SIDE

If it was I wouldn't be worried about the next birthday.

I sat down today to string and knot some pearls. I didn't know where to start.
This is bad. To totally forget something which I could do in my sleep. I really couldn't remember the knack to tying the knot and getting it snug to the pearl.

The swearing was disgraceful. If it's still on the 'big sin' list then I'm heading for the other place.

So how did I forget something so basic. I mean it's not that long ago that I could sit all afternoon and throw a couple of necklaces together to match the new dresses. I am in the habit of putting everything in plastic bags for each project and dating them. Three years, three lots of 12 months since I bought these burgundy pearls and crystals. I could have sworn (did) it was only yesterday.

Never mind the sand in an hour glass, I've got a month glass that's throwing days.

LOL LAUGH

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

I had a cat with eyes like this. He used to walk up my body and stare into my eyes until I gave in and filled his dish. And they say marriage leads to a slave mentality.

NEVER MIND THE CHILDREN, THINK OF DIAL-UPPERS

I have been handcuffed to the computer for three days because of the snail speed of dial-up with seems to be getting slower. River sent me a program for removing Trojans which took 3 hours to download and messed up every other 'anti' program I had running. It was a good 'anti', River but I think it was too shiny for this old dear.



Microsoft kept trying to install IE8 every time I logged on. Adware wouldn't load updates and took 3 hours to scan the computer. AVG wouldn't load updates and took 5 hours to do a complete scan of everything. Spybot wouldn't load updates but only took 40 minutes to scan.



Total low grade infections/tracking cookies found, ten.



ZoneAlarm is working well. CCleaner is working well.



I've had all those on the computer for four years with updates but anything I try now seems to take forever to download, install and scan. The programs fight with each other, like kids in a sandbox.



I like XP, it's simple, functional, no frills and like a comfy pair of slippers. More to the point, I can work it, just.



It's the speed I'm having problems with. I just bought my Harry Potter ticket over the internet and it took 35 minutes to load all the pages I needed. It could have been less if I hadn't decided to change my seat and had to do everything all over again. Who'd have thought Gold Class would have been booked out until July 22? I was trying to avoid the popcorn munchers and drink slurpers so hopefully they won't be in the 10.30 session.



I realize I'm tempting fate but if there's a death in the family, I'm still going.

IDIOT OF THE YEAR

This is from our local paper:

A drunk driver crashed his car after accidentally stabbing himself in the leg with a knife while peeling an orange.

He blew five times the legal limit and lost his licence after his car careered out of control on Wells Road. He had consumed a cocktail of beer and spirit mixers.

The moral of the story is - never drink, drive and peel, it just proves three times over what an idiot you are.

I CAN'T BELIEVE I MISSED IT

ONE THOUSAND AND FOUR POSTS

FIREWORKS WOULD HAVE LOOKED BETTER FOR ONE THOUSAND

STILL WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT THE MOUTH

WOULD STILL BE GOING

OR THE BRAIN

MOONING

No, it's not me, that would be in the plural - moonings - considering how vast my mooning equipment is. I have a ringside window to the eclipse just above my computer. The moon is supposed to turn a grey colour, nothing dramatic and who could tell with the dirt on my window.

So just to annoy myself further this afternoon, I allowed the gerbil running this computer to download IE8. Did I complain about toolbars recently? Yes, I thought so and now I have toolbars up the wazoo.

There's the computer one in a pleasant green at the top.
The new IE8 plus google next.
Then the old favourites bar which I decided to drop until the new IE8 favourites menu appeared staggering under the load of must read blogs and made the mouse go zippy.
There is another Google search and nifty button bar.
And another address and IE8 button bar.
Down on the bottom, I've ditched the progress bar but kept the computer start up bar with the clock and all that other stuff.

The gerbil has also relayed my age to Microsoft who has brightened my life with extra bold type.
I thought I must have done this but no, appearances and themes still has me on standard not clear type.

My 'create post' page is also new and the labels are in different places, very disconcerting.

But I know why the buttons on the tool bars are annoying me. I'm a lefty mouser and the buttons are for righty mousers. Four years it's taken me to work that out. My brain grinds slow but exceedingly fine.

Totally unrelated to IE8 (I haven't read what tricky little things it has stored up for me but I have seen I can hide my porn travels) is the fact that I've just read a book and it has annoyed me almost as much as a tool toolbar. The author expects me to believe that the hero is a world authority on myths and legends but puts him in an aircraft flying over Peru and he suddenly sees the Nazca lines below and says he doesn't know what they are. Quetzacoatl and Kulkucan are the same myth, one belonging to the Aztec, one to the Maya and it takes half the book for him to connect them. Dan Brown, come back, all is forgiven.

The moon's not doing much considering for Leos it's supposed to be a life changing eclipse. There is one big change, I bought Gelati instead of ice-cream to top my apricots and yoghurt.

STILL CLINGING ON

There's nothing like a butterfly to make me happy especially when this one is making a re-appearance in British fields after nearly going the way of the Dodo.

The Bitch Queen of the Universe is living up to her name and making life difficult.

My sister said this morning that she hates our mother with a passion. I would like to be able to say the same but even a negative emotion like hate is beyond me. I don't think of her at all, not as my mother. She's merely someone who plonked down in the beanbag of my life and hasn't left.

I pay the bills, get the groceries but pleasantries have gone by the board. She has lied to me for the last time although 'lie' doesn't really apply to someone who lives in a lala land of her own making. She fabricates a reality in which other people believe.

I am not sleeping. I am eating far too much of the wrong foods. I found apples in the fridge that must have been on speaking terms with Eve. I shake all the time. I refuse to increase medication that took me three years to decrease. My blood pressure would power two people.
The empathy I used to feel for this woman has dissipated.

All I can think of now is how to cling to sanity until my life is my own. I can't even imagine what I will do with a life of my own.